3 Things Oklahoma Birth Mothers Want Their Adoptive Families to Know about Adoption

As an adoptive parent, you may be preparing to meet your birth mother for the first time. Maybe you’ve already met your birth mother, and you’re preparing for a casual meeting. Perhaps you’re using this time to get to know each other before the child is born. We’re sure there are several things you’d like to discuss with your birth mother. Likewise, there are things she’d like to share with you before reaching the end of the adoption journey you’ve gone on together.

Adoption Choices of Oklahoma believes it’s important that both parties understand each other, that both parties listen to each other. Here are three things birth mothers want their adoptive families to know.

• Birth Mothers Feel Very Emotional During the Adoption Process

If you’re an adoptive parent preparing to adopt your first child, it’s a very exciting and emotional time for you. Your birth mother is also feeling emotional, but the emotions she’s experiencing may be very different from yours.

Going through an unplanned pregnancy can be stressful, and committing to adoption can be difficult for the birth mother. The adoption process is long. It takes a while for the birth mother to decide what she wants for her child and for herself.

Adoption also requires a lot of trust. The birth mother is trusting that you’ll make suitable parents, that her child will be better off in your care. Adoption Choices of Oklahoma can alleviate some of the stress and fear the birth mother feels. We can make selecting an adoptive family easier by helping her find adoptive families that carry her values and beliefs; we can make selecting an adoptive family easier. Even so, placing her child in a stranger’s care is difficult. Saying goodbye is also difficult.

• Birth Mothers Love Their Children and Want What’s Best for Them

Unfortunately, there are many harmful myths about birth mothers and adoption. Many wrongfully assume that birth mothers use adoption to escape the burden of motherhood; they assume that birth mothers don’t care about their children. The truth is birth mothers love their children and simply can’t provide for them. Some are too young to raise a child, and some don’t have the resources to raise a child.

Adoption is a loving and selfless decision. The birth mother is choosing adoption because she wants what’s best for her child. She doesn’t want her child to grow up with doubts or questions about her intentions. She wants her child to know that she loves him or her.

• Birth Mothers Don’t Want to Intrude on Your Lives

If you and your birth mother chose open adoption (or semi-open adoption), you will stay in touch following the adoption process. A birth mother who chooses open (or semi-open) adoption usually wants to maintain contact. She wants to be able to see her child or receive updates on her child’s wellbeing.

Sometimes adoptive parents fear that the birth mother will change her mind and try to take her child back. You shouldn’t worry about this. A birth mother understands that she has no parental rights over her child following the adoption process. She created the adoption plan for her child’s benefit. She put a lot of time, thought, and effort into the adoption plan. She wouldn’t ruin it by intruding or overstepping boundaries. The last thing she would want to do is impose on your lives or her child’s life.

Three Things Birth Mothers Want Adoptive Families to Know

Open communication between the birth mother and the adoptive parents is very important. It’s important that both parties are comfortable with each other. If you’re an adoptive parent, it’s important to understand how your birth mother might be feeling at this time. If you’re a birth mother, it’s important that you’re open and honest about your needs and feelings.

You’ll have the opportunity to discuss things before the child is born and the adoption is finalized. You’ll have time to discuss things that are important to you, and you’ll have the opportunity to get things off your chest. Remember to be friendly and open to making everyone feel comfortable.

Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Oklahoma is a surrogacy and adoption agency, licensed by the state of Oklahoma and leader in the community. We assist both intended parents and gestational carriers (surrogates). Our staff members are committed to providing an ethical, empowering, and personalized experience to all involved in the surrogacy process.
Toll-free: 800-898-6028 | OKC Local: 405-755-1999 | Tulsa Local: 918-447-7777 | Text: 405-310-8790 | Email

Meet the Author: Heather Valenzano is an up-and-coming content creator with a bachelor’s degree in mass communications and a minor in English. After graduating from Iona College in 2019, she got an internship – and then a part-time job – writing blogs and managing social media accounts for Hip New Jersey, a lifestyle website owned by Long Shot Productions. She has also produced website and social media content for CommonPage, an external collaboration platform.

When she isn’t working, Heather enjoys watching crime shows like Forensic Files or posting book reviews to OnlineBookClub.org under the username “LavenderLiterature2.”