5 Things People get Wrong about Surrogacy

If you’re reading this blog, you’re probably an intended parent researching gestational surrogacy. Or maybe you’re a woman who’s interested in helping people grow their family through surrogacy. Maybe you want to learn more about being a surrogate mother.

As an aspiring intended parent or surrogate, you may have come across some concerning myths and rumors while researching gestational surrogacy. Some of these myths may affect your perception of surrogates and intended parents. It’s hard to find answers and reassurance when you can’t determine what is and isn’t true. Fortunately, agencies like Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Oklahoma exist to educate and inform. We strive to prepare men and women for surrogacy by sharing the facts and countering the myths. Here are five things people get wrong about surrogacy.

1) The Surrogate is the Baby’s “Real Mother”

Gestational surrogacy is different from traditional surrogacy. A surrogate uses her own egg during traditional surrogacy, and the child is conceived through artificial insemination with the intended father’s sperm. In gestational surrogacy, however, a surrogate doesn’t use her own egg. The child is conceived through in vitro fertilization (IVF), where the intended parents use the intended mother’s egg or a donor’s egg with the intended father’s sperm.

Intended parents often choose gestational surrogacy because they want a biological connection to their child. This means that the child and the surrogate aren’t related, so there are less legal and emotional risks. The surrogate is less likely to become emotionally attached and less likely to fight to keep the child for herself.

2) Only the Wealthy get to Pursue Gestational Surrogacy

Many assume that the wealthy are the only ones who can afford gestational surrogacy. While gestational surrogacy isn’t cheap, it’s not unattainable. The men and women pursuing gestational surrogacy are normal, everyday people. They may have spent years saving up for surrogacy.

It’s worth noting that altruistic surrogacy is an option. Altruistic surrogacy is when a surrogate mother carries and delivers a baby for free. The intended parents cover the prenatal care costs and the IVF costs, but that’s it. Often, intended parents may choose altruistic surrogacy if the surrogate is a close friend or family member.

3) Women can Create a Career Off Surrogacy

This point goes hand-in-hand with the previous point. While surrogacy can be a good investment – some women put that money aside for future investments (example: their child’s college savings) – it’s not something you can make a career out of. Most women become surrogates because they genuinely want to help others start a family. A woman shouldn’t become a surrogate solely for the money.

As stated in the previous point, some women become surrogates for free, so it would be ridiculous to claim that all surrogates are financially motivated.

4) Intended Mothers use Surrogacy to Avoid Pregnancy and Childbirth

Some assume that intended mothers use surrogacy for convenience. They assume that intended mothers use surrogacy to avoid pregnancy and childbirth. This assumption is both incorrect and insulting.

Surrogacy is neither easy nor convenient. It’s a long process with multiple steps: finding a surrogate, going through physical and mental evaluations, undergoing surgery to retrieve eggs for the IVF (or finding an egg donor), etc. Many of the people pursuing surrogacy suffer from infertility. They can’t conceive, or they can’t carry to term without miscarrying. Many members of the LGBT community use surrogacy to start a family because it’s impossible for them to have children through conventional means.

5) Intended Parents can’t Bond with Their Baby

Some intended mothers fear they won’t be able to develop a bond with their child if another woman carries and delivers him or her. This concern is understandable, but it’s not something you should dwell on. Fathers are able to bond with their children, despite not going through pregnancy and childbirth. Intended mothers are no different.

If the surrogate mother is comfortable, the intended parents can be a part of the pregnancy. They can attend ultrasound screenings and the child’s birth. Also, the intended parents will have plenty of time to bond with their child following the birth.

What have You Misunderstood about Surrogacy?

We understand how overwhelming it is to research gestational surrogacy. We hope this blog cleared things up and relieved you of your fears and worries. If you have any additional questions about gestational surrogacy, or if you’re ready to start your surrogacy journey, be sure to contact us. Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Oklahoma is here to provide answers, and we look forward to helping you take the first step of your journey.

Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Oklahoma is a surrogacy and adoption agency, licensed by the state of Oklahoma and leader in the community. We assist both intended parents and gestational carriers (surrogates). Our staff members are committed to providing an ethical, empowering, and personalized experience to all involved in the surrogacy process.
Toll-free: 800-898-6028 | OKC Local: 405-755-1999 | Tulsa Local: 918-447-7777 | Text: 405-310-8790 | Email

Meet the Author: Heather Valenzano is an up-and-coming content creator with a bachelor’s degree in mass communications and a minor in English. After graduating from Iona College in 2019, she got an internship – and then a part-time job – writing blogs and managing social media accounts for Hip New Jersey, a lifestyle website owned by Long Shot Productions. She has also produced website and social media content for CommonPage, an external collaboration platform.

When she isn’t working, Heather enjoys watching crime shows like Forensic Files or posting book reviews to OnlineBookClub.org under the username “LavenderLiterature2.”