You are trying to decide if adoption is the right choice for your child. You’ve chosen an agency, been assigned an adoption professional and discussed your options. Now the next step is matching your child with an adoptive family. This can be a difficult task to undertake. How do you know who is the right fit? Will the adoptive parents have the morals and values that you want your child to grow up with?
Here at Adoption Choices of Oklahoma, we know the importance of asking great questions. Placing your child with the right family can seem like a daunting task, and we want to make it easier on you in any way we can! Here is a list of topics and questions you can ask adoptive parents that are interested in adopting your child.
Choosing Adoption
Adoption is a huge commitment to make financially, physically and emotionally. Both adoptive and birth parents interested in adoption need to be aware of how big of a task it is to undertake. Some good questions to ask on this topic include:
1) Why do you want to adopt?
This is a great opening question. Since everyone has different reasons for choosing adoption, asking this allows you to hear the adoptive parents’ side of the story. To listen to the experiences and life events. To learn what led them to adoption. Some of their journey may not be easy to hear, as tragedy isn’t an uncommon reason for adoptive parents to consider adopting, so remember to be mindful of this.
2) Do you have past experience with adoption? What does that look like?
You may be surprised at the amount of people that have rubbed elbows with adoption. Many people have been adopted themselves, have adopted siblings or have previously adopted children. Asking adoptive parents in what way they have experienced adoption will give you a better idea of how closely they understand the process or trials that may come with it.
3) Why did you choose infant adoption?
There are several different ways to adopt children. If you have chosen Adoption Choices of Oklahoma as your agency, the adoptive parents are specifically there for domestic infant adoption. So, asking them why they decided on this form of adoption can give you a clearer view of why they are interested in your child.
4) How will you talk to your child about adoption?
Having open and honest conversations about adoption is very important and can be a huge part of a person’s identity. Adoption is something to be celebrated; however, it can bring up a lot of tough questions for the child. How will this family address this topic with your child? Do they have a plan in place? Have they discussed this amongst themselves yet? On top of this, how will your child’s adoptive parents talk about you with him or her?
Relationship
Having an idea of the relationship the adoptive parents have will give you a glimpse into the environment that your child will be being placed in. At Adoption Choices of Oklahoma, we are aware that there are different family situations. Single parenting, for instance, is in the cards for many people. If these questions fit with your prospective parents, don’t be afraid to ask!
1) How and when did you meet?
This is a great way to get to know prospective adoptive parents better, and to see what kind of relationship they have with each other. It will reveal details about them as individuals and as a unit. How they answer will speak volumes of how they will treat your child as well.
2) What makes your relationship strong?
Adoption can be a stressful time for everyone involved. Being able to lean on the people around you for support is important. Asking how the adoptive parents stay strong and work together during stress will give you an idea of how they will interact with the situation.
3) How do you resolve conflict?
Knowing how couples resolve conflict can be helpful when placing your baby for adoption. Not only will it show you the aforementioned strength of their relationship, it will also give you insight into how they will handle challenging situations with both you and your baby in the years to come Particularly if you enter into an open adoption agreement with the adoptive parents. You want to make sure that they have a great system of communication in place when it comes to disagreements.
Family/Life
When placing your baby for adoption, you want to know what kind of family and life he or she will have. The following questions can help you determine that.
1) What are your home and community like?
Ask about where your child will grow up, what activities will he or she be active in and why. Learn about the neighborhood the adoptive parents live in, and if they are on good terms with the people around them. Find out about the other family members and the parents’ friends who will be a part of your baby’s life.
2) What do you do for a living? What is your work schedule like?
This two-part question goes hand-in-hand, revealing details about the adoptive parents’ jobs and what their day-to-day life looks like. If both parents work full time, how much time do they have to dedicate to raising a child? Where will he or she go during the day? Knowing the amount of time that the adoptive parents will have for your child is important when you are placing them with a family. You want to make sure they will have time to love and invest in a relationship with your baby.
3) Do you have other children? How will my child fit into your family?
Family structures and dynamics can be really tricky. Get to know the structure of the prospective adoptive parents’ family. See what it is like and how your child will find a place in that.
4) What are your hobbies/interests?
It is fun to get an idea of what your child’s life will be like. Knowing the hobbies and interests of the prospective adoptive family will give you good insight into what kind of things your child will be involved in.
Values
1) What are your values? What is important to you?
This is a great question to ask. Do the adoptive parents share the same values that you do? While there may be differences here or there, if you have certain values you want your child to grow up with, you’ll want to learn what prospective adoptive parents value and believe about any and all areas you highlight — education, religion, culture, politics, etc.
Questions to Ask Adoptive Parents
While you won’t be able to glean every single detail about a prospective adoptive family, the matching process permits you to learn all you can. To get to know them, hear about their parenting philosophies and the reasons they are choosing to grow their family through adoption. So, don’t be afraid to ask questions!
An adoptive parent should be willing to answer and want to get to know you as well. As you will be entering a lifelong commitment with the parents you select, it’s important that you feel comfortable with them and get along. Adoption Choices of Oklahoma is interested in connecting you with adoptive parents who will respect and value you. Don’t be afraid to ask!
Adoption Choices of Oklahoma
Adoption Choices of Oklahoma is a private adoption agency, licensed by the state of Oklahoma and leader in the adoption community. We have been assisting birth parents, children, and adoptive families in Oklahoma for over 19 years. Our staff members are committed to providing an ethical, empowering, and personalized adoption experience to all involved in the adoption process. If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact us. You may visit our website here or call 405-794-7500 (Oklahoma City) or 918-982-6220 (Tulsa).
Support Adoption Choices
Adoption Choices, Inc. is partnering with Crowdrise, a fundraising website for nonprofits, to help our adoptive parents and birth parents with much needed financial assistance. We understand that expenses keep clients from fulfilling their dreams. Both with birth parents making a plan for adoption, and with adoptive parents growing their family. It is our mission to provide financial assistance through grants and scholarships, awarded annually in November, in honor of National Adoption Month. Funds assist adoptive parents with matching and placements, adoption finalization and helping birth mothers improve their lives through higher education — and much more.
However, we can’t do it alone. Please read up on our programs and donate money where you are able. Your donation will make a huge impact.
About the Author
Jadzia Miller is currently in the final stretches of pursuing an English degree at Colorado Christian University. She has lived in the beautiful state of Colorado for the 22 years she has been on this earth, and loves exploring the beauty that is constantly surrounding her.
She aspires to pursue a career in publishing or library science; either way, Jadzia wants to be encompassed by books and stories. Living near Denver, she is surrounded by artistic pursuits and wants to continue exploring these as often as possible. Jadzia has a passion for encouraging people to read and finding joy in reading books.
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Sources:
“10 Questions Adoptive Parents Should Ask Their Potential Adoptive Parents.” Adoption Network, Adoption Network Law Center, adoptionnetwork.com/10-questions-all-birth-mothers-should-ask-potential-adoptive-parents.
Adoptions, Lifelong. “LifeLong Adoptions Blog.” LifeLong Adoptions, www.lifelongadoptions.com/9-for-birthmothers/138-questions-every-birthmother-should-ask-adoptive-parents.
McNaughton, Jessie. “13 Questions Birth Moms Should Ask Prospective Adoptive Parents.” 13 Questions Birth Moms Should Ask Prospective Adoptive Parents, www.adoptfamilyconnections.org/blog/birth-mom-questions-for-adoptive-parents.
