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When a birth mother decides to place her child for adoption, it doesn’t come without pain. In fact, it’s potentially one of the toughest and emotionally draining decisions she’ll face in her lifetime. But she wants the best for her child, and that’s why, as much as it hurts her heart, she’s prepared to conquer the adoption process. First, she has to find the best adoptive family for her baby and her situation.

As a potential adoptive parent, you’re wondering what you can do to stand out. You keep asking yourself one question: What criteria do birth mothers look for when choosing an adoptive family? The answer seems simple: a loving family that will provide endless opportunities for their child. While that may be true, the details as to what makes a birth mom choose one family over the other is much less obvious. It’s quite difficult to pinpoint one specific quality that will put your profile ahead of another in a birth mom’s eyes.

Let us help! At Adoption Choices of Oklahoma, our goal is to make sure every child is placed in his or her forever home. Here is a list of the most popular criteria birth mothers look for when choosing adoptive parents. We know you’ll make a perfect match!

1. The Type of Adoption:

There are three types of contact that birth mothers can have with adoptive families post adoption – closed, semi-open, and open. Today, most adoptions have some level of openness, and many birth mothers want to be involved in their child’s life after birth, either directly or indirectly. Adoption is a wonderful way to grow a family and give a child a happy home. After all, adopted children have two sets of parents, birth and adoptive, and an open adoption provides a way for children to know their origins. It’s worth considering!

2. A Unique Connection:

More than anything else, birth mothers want to have a gut feeling when it comes to the adoptive family they choose. Sometimes, they know exactly what they want in a family; other times, they may not know until they meet the right family. The things that provide an immediate connection for a prospective birth mother can be the smallest, most unique traits. For example, a birth mother who grew up with a certain breed of dog may see a family with that same dog and gravitate towards them. There’s no way to predict what can or will cause her to connect with an adoptive family.

3. Family Strength:

Many birth mothers choose to place their child for adoption because they feel they can’t provide a stable home life. That being said, the strength of a family’s relationship is immensely important to them when choosing adoptive parents. Birth moms are ultimately looking for a supportive family unit, whether that includes two parents or one. A strong adoptive family should exude the love they have for one another. Birth moms are no different than any other parent — all they want is a loving and caring family for their baby!

4. Values and Morals:

If an adoptive parent’s values align with the birth mothers’, it sets the precedent for open communication going forward. Birth moms want to know that the family they choose will raise their child with appropriate morals. This includes: religion, family values, dependability, honor, etc. After all, birth mothers want their child to have a great life. One they would have given him or her under different circumstances. This is why adoptive parents’ thoughts and opinions about raising a child are important! Birth mothers look for parents who plan to mold their child into the best possible person, and they find comfort in choosing a family who has similar priorities to their own.

There are several reasons as to why birth mothers are drawn to certain adoptive parents. Birth moms can pick adoptive parents because of something as specific as the family’s religion, careers, pictures provided in the adoption profile, the lack or abundance of pets, or even preferred family activities. At the end of the day, it all comes down to her personal preferences. Many times, birth mothers are unable to verbalize the reason for choosing a specific family. They just know. They are drawn to them!

When It’s Right, It’s Right

Be yourself! The secret to what birth mothers look for when choosing adoptive parents is this: there is no secret. Often, it’s the most unique things about a family that make an expectant mother choose them.

Adoption Choices of Oklahoma knows you’re eager to grow your family. But with patience comes something greater than you ever imagined. Birth mothers know what type of future they want for their child, and you may be the parent who makes that future possible!

Adoption Choices of Oklahoma

Adoption Choices of Oklahoma is a private adoption agency, licensed by the state of Oklahoma and leader in the adoption community. We have been assisting birth parents, children, and adoptive families in Oklahoma for over 19 years. Our staff members are committed to providing an ethical, empowering, and personalized adoption experience to all involved in the adoption process.  If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact us. You may visit our website here or call 405-794-7500 (Oklahoma City) or 918-982-6220 (Tulsa).

Support Adoption Choices

CrowdriseAdoption Choices, Inc. is partnering with Crowdrise, a fundraising website for nonprofits, to help our adoptive parents and birth parents with much needed financial assistance. We understand that expenses keep clients from fulfilling their dreams. Both with birth parents making a plan for adoption, and with adoptive parents growing their family. It is our mission to provide financial assistance through grants and scholarships, awarded annually in November, in honor of National Adoption Month. Funds assist adoptive parents with matching and placements, adoption finalization and helping birth mothers improve their lives through higher education — and much more.

However, we can’t do it alone. Please read up on our programs and donate money where you are able. Your donation will make a huge impact.

About the Author

Patience Bramlett, a University of Southern Mississippi news editorial graduate, is a seasoned and award-winning freelance writer. She is also a passionate reader, whose only wish is to live life without fear of the unknown. Her motivation and inspiration to live her best life stems from the words of John Lennon:

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy.’ They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”

This year, she’s joining Adoption Choices Inc. as an Editorial Intern. Fueled by her love of family, she hopes to educate those looking to grow their families through adoption.

When Patience is not exploring Colorado with her husband, she’s drinking coffee, forever figuring out how to tame her hair, growing her library, and trying to break into the publishing career.



“7 Considerations For Birth Mothers When Choosing Adoptive Parents.” Adoption Network, Adoption Network Law Center – Safer Than Adoption Agencies,

Davenport, Dawn. “What Do Expectant Moms Look for in Adoptive Parents.” Creating a Family, 28 Jan. 2019,

“What Birthmothers Look for in Adoptive Parent Profiles.” Angel Adoption, Angel Adoption, Inc., 6 June 2016,

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