Dating After My Adoption, What To Do?
By Eric Somarriba
Dating is a complicated process for anyone who puts themselves out there, but with a birth mother, it can be different. A successful relationship builds upon open communication, so the fact you put a child up for adoption may come out. Whether you reveal this or not, it will most likely be important in future relationships. As a concept, children are already a major factor and decision in a relationship, and potential partners can react differently. But your experience with adoption gives you a unique perspective, one that your date may not be ready for. It may feel like there are countless ways adoption can negatively affect dating, but we are here to help. Adoption Choices of Oklahoma helps women who are pregnant and considering adoption, but we also support you in the aftermath. We may not be a dating advice column, but through 19 years of service, we’ve seen adoption’s long-lasting effects. It can affect parts of your life you didn’t think of, so with this article, we want to help.
Do I Tell Potential Partners About My Adoption?
This question is ultimately down to your own personal judgment, but here’s our own advice. We firmly believe you have nothing to feel ashamed of with your adoption, but we understand any hesitation you have. There are many opinions on adoption people have, some being negative for any unfortunate reason. It’s likely not a typical first-date conversation, but if you continue into a deeper relationship, it’s a big detail. If you have an open adoption and maintain contact with your child, it’s likely to come out then. Even if you have a closed adoption, there’s still the ever-present chance of your partner finding out. While the choice is yours alone, we believe it’s best to be transparent with your partner.
Adoption is an experience that can change you and your perspectives, and we think it’s important to explain why. Communication is key in a relationship, and with this big a detail, we believe it’s best to lay it out. It can go a long way in showing your partner the trust you have in them and the comfort you feel. If marriage is potentially in the future, then we also believe you should tell them. Knowing you already have a child can affect plans for any future children you or they may want. Finding out you already have a child can also cause strain in a marriage if you keep it hidden. While we believe it’s best to open up, we still want to stress it’s your decision above all else. It should be down to you, but if you do choose to, you’ll probably have many questions on how.
How To Tell My Partner About My Adoption?
There is no one definitive way to tell your partner about your adoption. It can be down to countless variables depending on them and your own circumstances. The most important thing, however, is to make sure you are comfortable above all else. If you’re revealing your adoption, it should be because it’s your choice and not because you felt pressured into it. Once you feel ready, you may want to take some steps before having an important conversation. Talking with your partner about children is an important step in any relationship that could evolve into marriage. In this case, knowing your partner’s opinion on children can help you predict their reaction to you having one. If you can, getting their opinion on adoption as a whole can also help you gauge their reaction to yours.
Once you’re comfortable and have an idea of how you think they’ll respond, find the right time to tell them. If you do, most likely, you might want to explain your reasons for your adoption. If you do not want to share, know that it’s alright as well. We believe an adoption is a selfless act above all else, that you gave your child the future they deserved. Odds are you didn’t have the means to raise your child, so try and explain that to your partner. Also, explain that it shouldn’t mean you can’t be a mother in the future if you still want the chance.
We can’t predict how your partner may react. They could be completely supportive or react negatively. Ideally, you could predict how they would feel and adjust accordingly, but we’re all often unpredictable. If they do react negatively, give them some time, they may come around after the initial conversation. Our adoption agencies in Oklahoma strive to have adoption be universally accepted, but some people simply have their own beliefs. However, you proceed with your partner, and their reaction is up to you, but we believe it’s best to tell. If they accept you and your decision or come around later, then we think it’s a relationship worth continuing.
Adoption Aftermath With Adoption Choices of Oklahoma
We know adjusting to many aspects of life can be tough after your Oklahoma adoption, but we are here to help. Even after we finish your case, we won’t abandon you. Adoption counseling is available with us and can continue after your adoption to let us help you through the aftermath. It can be hard, but the strength you’ve shown through your adoption is always with you. Dating is complicated for everyone, but we know you can foster a successful relationship in the future. It may take time to find someone accepting of your decision, but there are plenty of people who will.
To begin your adoption process with us, contact an adoption center near you. Adoption Choices of Oklahoma is a private adoption agency licensed by the state of Oklahoma and a leader in the adoption community. We have been assisting birth parents, children, and adoptive families in Oklahoma for over 19 years. Our staff members are committed to providing an ethical, empowering, and personalized adoption experience to all involved in the adoption process. If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact us.
Toll-free: 800-898-6028 | OKC Local: 405-755-1999 | Tulsa Local: 918-447-7777 | Text: 405-201-6643 | Email