Can I have a family after placing a baby for adoption?
By Eric Somarriba
Even after we finish your adoption, birth mothers still have my concerns and consequences to grapple with. A big misconception about adoption is that all birth mothers simply move on and never look back once it’s done. It may be the case in some adoptions, but birth mothers often continue to feel the effects. Guilt can last many years after the adoption, and birth mothers wonder if they can one day have a family. It’s perfectly understandable to feel this way, but we hope to show you this isn’t the case. Adoption Choices of Oklahoma has worked for 19 years to guide women through their unplanned pregnancies and Oklahoma adoptions. Our many resources are here to help you with all your needs throughout the adoption process. While we help through every step of the adoption, we hope to help with the aftermath.
Why do Birth Mothers Choose Adoption?
To make peace and know you can still have a family, truly knowing your reasoning for adoption can help. Some see the birth mother’s reasons as selfish, but we know it is an act of love for your baby. Often birth mothers seeking adoption don’t have the financial or emotional support needed to raise a child successfully. So, by giving up her baby, birth mothers are giving them the future they deserve that she cannot provide. Other times it may come down to pressure from others around her that forces them to give up their baby. These are only a couple of the many possible selfless reasons a birth mother may give up their child. They do not make you a bad mother, nor do they doom you to be one in the future.
Will I Always Feel Guilty For Giving Up My Baby?
This question will ultimately come down to you and the passage of time, and we know it’s very difficult. Guilt can last a long time after the adoption but know you’re not alone. It’s more than common to feel this way after giving up your baby, and it can have many negative effects. Feelings of regret and sadness can fester within you. The best way to change this is acceptance and forgiveness. Talking to someone is important. Our private adoption agencies provide counselors who can help you during and after your adoption. You can express all of your negative feelings, and our counselors can help you in your journey to find peace. Know that you may not have been ready to be a parent and that your child is in good hands. It’s okay to feel this way and to spend time grieving, but it’s also important to find that acceptance. If you can find that peace, you can allow yourself to try and be a mother in the future.
Can I Have a Family After Giving Up My Baby?
Giving up a child in the past in no way prevents you from having a family in the future. That decision ultimately comes down to you and if you want to raise your own children someday. It may take years after the adoption, but you may find yourself in a position where you can provide for a child. We understand you may question your worthiness of being a mother after giving up your first baby, but we disagree. An adoption is an act of love; you loved your first baby enough to give them the life you couldn’t. It only proves the mother’s love that’s within you and that you can still give. We know plenty of mothers that we served went on to have families of their own. It’s perfectly normal. Our adoption agencies encourage adoption but never want to take the future chance of a family away from you.
The guilt may come back, wondering what your first child may feel or that you believe you failed them. But try not to feel this way, don’t stop yourself from feeling the joys of parenthood. There are countless things that can change between your adoption and wanting to have a family. No one should try and convince you that you can’t have a family, either other people or yourself.
Adoption Aftermath with Adoption Choices of Oklahoma
Our goal is always to support birth mothers during and after Oklahoma adoption with us. Our counselors will continue supporting you where you need it after the adoption to find peace. Acceptance is key. We want to help you reach that point no matter how long it may take. If you want to have a family someday and find yourself in good circumstances for it, then go for it. A mother’s love is powerful, and you’ll never lose the chance to give it forward.
Contact us to help you through every part of your adoption in Oklahoma. Adoption Choices of Oklahoma is a private adoption agency licensed by the state of Oklahoma and a leader in the adoption community. We have been assisting birth parents, children, and adoptive families in Oklahoma for over 19 years. Our staff members are committed to providing an ethical, empowering, and personalized adoption experience to all involved in the adoption process. If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact us.
Toll-free: 800-898-6028 | OKC Local: 405-755-1999 | Tulsa Local: 918-447-7777 | Text: 405-201-6643 | Email