Toll-free: 800-898-6028 | OKC Local: 405-755-1999 | Tulsa Local: 918-447-7777 | Text: 405-201-6643 | Email

Fears birth mothers have about open adoption 

By Eric Somarriba

There are many fears and concerns for birth mothers going through adoption. We at Adoption Choices of Oklahoma understand your fears and are here to help you through them. Even an open adoption, which we believe is the most beneficial adoption method, still has its concerns. Open adoption involves openly communicating with the adoptive family and your child as they grow up. With this article, we hope to help alleviate some fear you may be struggling with. Your concerns are valid, but we believe we can explain why you do not have to fear them. We may not be able to dispute every fear you may have, but that is why we are always here.

Adoption Choices of Oklahoma is a private adoption agency that has guided women through their unplanned pregnancies and adoptions for 19 years. Our resources will help you with your needs and questions about adoption in Oklahoma and Tulsa. With decades of experience, we can help you find the answers you seek and give your child a loving home.

What if My Relationship with the Adoptive Family Does Not Work Out?

People are unpredictable, so this is a reasonable fear, but we work hard to prevent this before it can begin. Through your adoption plan, our adoption agencies work to find a family that best fits you and your child’s needs. There may not be a perfect fit, but the other part of open adoption is communicating with them. We will bring you and the family together to meet and discuss all aspects of the adoption. You will be able to ask all the questions you need to see if that family is the best option. If you feel you do not click with one family, we will find more until we find one you trust. There may still be disagreements, but the foundation of our private adoption agencies is helping you find the best family.

Will I Be Forced to Communicate with My Child?

When a birth mother chooses an open adoption, they often do so so they can still know their child. Many birth mothers who go down this route still want a relationship with their child but not to raise them. If you are hesitant about having any contact with your baby, you may want a closed or semi-open adoption. But for those who still want contact, it is understandable to have this fear. There may be pressure from others or yourself to continue communicating with your child, but an open adoption has flexibility. When meeting with the adoptive family before the adoption, one of the most important topics is the boundaries you set. You can decide how you want to see your child and how often that contact will be.

If I Continue Contact with My Child, Will I Still End Up Raising Them?

No matter how open adoption is, you lose your parental rights by the end. So legally speaking, your child is no longer yours. They are your chosen family’s child now. The job of raising your child is theirs, not yours, so there is little to fear. In an open adoption, you can form a relationship with your child, but you will have to set boundaries. The family may be open to suggestions and your desires, or they may not be. Settling on these boundaries is important before the adoption takes place to create that fine line between yourself and parenting.

What if My Child Does Not Want to Talk to Me?

Adoption is complicated for every party involved, especially for the child being adopted. Whether they are told early in their life or something, they learn when they are older, it is very complex. Even if you are ready to communicate with your child, they may be the ones hesitant to start. It’s difficult to predict, but already having an established relationship with their adoptive parents can help begin that process. Adoptees are often curious about where they came from, and with open adoption, they can learn that easily. It may take time if your child isn’t sure, but open adoption keeps the door open for when they are.

What if the Adoptive Family Doesn’t Love My Baby?

This may be one of the biggest fears in any adoption, but an open adoption can help alleviate it. There may always be the fear that the adoptive family cannot love your child the way their birth mother can. You may want to put yourself in the adoptive family’s shoes for this kind of fear. Adoption can be a long process. On the other end, many families are waiting years for the opportunity. The reason many do turn to adoption is that they may be unable to have a biological family of their own. Blood connection is strong, but family can easily go beyond that. These families are more than ready to love your child; with open adoption, you can see it firsthand. Open communication will let you know you made the right choice and that there is little to fear.

I Won’t Be Able to Move on From My Child

Many misunderstand adoption from the birth mother’s point of view, think you’re just giving your child away, and that’s that. But adoption comes from love, wanting to ensure your child has the life you may be unable to give them. Once the adoption is done, you may want to make peace with your decision, but it can be difficult. Open adoption can help mothers grieve by giving them the chance to know your child, but the reverse can happen. Knowing your child isn’t far can make it hard to let go. It is a very valid concern, but here is a potential solution. Decide on boundaries with the adoptive family early on, perhaps making greater ones early on so you can grieve. Then, if you can make peace, you can redo those boundaries and allow yourself to open up to your child.

Open Adoption with Adoption Choices

Adoption is hard under any circumstance, but we are here to try and reduce your fears. We understand your fears are valid but are here to help you through your Oklahoma adoption. We believe open adoption is best for all parties, and we work hard to address all of your concerns.

Learn why so many expectant mothers work with Adoption Choices of Oklahoma by contacting any of our adoption agencies in Oklahoma. Adoption Choices of Oklahoma is a private adoption agency licensed by the state of Oklahoma and a leader in the adoption community. Our staff members are committed to providing an ethical, empowering, and personalized adoption experience to all involved in the adoption process. If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact us.

Toll-free: 800-898-6028 | OKC Local: 405-755-1999 | Tulsa Local: 918-447-7777 | Text: 405-201-6643 | Email

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