Finding the Best Match as a Gestational Surrogate
At Adoption Choices of Oklahoma, we’re committed to creating new families by connecting intended parents with potential surrogates. We try to match surrogates with intended parents based on both parties’ preferences. We interview both the intended parents and the potential surrogates. We evaluate their psyches and review their motivations, backgrounds and medical histories. Before anything becomes official, the intended parents and the potential surrogate will meet and have the chance to get to know each other. They will be able to ask each other any questions and discuss anything they think is important before moving forward with their surrogacy journey in Oklahoma.
It’s important to note that every surrogate mother is different. Women become surrogates for different reasons. One surrogate’s motivations may be different from another’s, and what’s important to one surrogate may not be important to another. Consequently, each surrogate has her own idea of what a perfect match is. For instance, a surrogate may want to work with a very specific type of intended parent(s).
Here are some things to consider when finding the best match as a gestational surrogate.
Gay Couples vs. Straight Couples
Some of the people pursuing gestational surrogacy are straight couples who have struggled with infertility. They may have had multiple miscarriages. They may have tried IVF without success. Either way, they realized that they can’t bear children and want to use a surrogate.
However, most of the people pursuing gestational surrogacy are members of the LGBT community. Many gay and lesbian couples are interested in gestational surrogacy because they want to have a biological connection to their child or children. Two gay can’t conceive a child together, so gestational surrogacy is the only way they can have children they are biologically related to. Some surrogates may specifically want to work with gay couples for this reason.
Does the surrogate mother want to be paired with a straight couple or a gay couple? Does it not matter so long as she’s helping someone start a family? This is something a potential surrogate may consider.
One Intended Parent vs. Two Intended Parents
Many of the intended parents pursuing gestational surrogacy are married couples who have struggled with infertility. Some intended parents, however, are not married. Sometimes, people pursue gestational surrogacy because they have no partner or spouse to create a family with. Single men, for example, can’t have children without a surrogate and/or an egg donor. A surrogate may specifically want to work with a single intended parent because she wants to alleviate the obstacle single intended parents face.
An intended parent’s marital status may matter to some surrogates, but it may not matter to others. Some may want to work with two intended parents, some may want to work with one intended parent, and some may be willing to work with either a couple or an individual.
Compensated Surrogacy vs. Altruistic Surrogacy
When a surrogate carries and delivers a baby for free, it’s called “altruistic surrogacy.” When a surrogate receives compensation, it’s called “compensated surrogacy.”
If a woman is carrying a baby for a close friend or a family member, she may be willing to carry the child for free. If she is carrying a baby for a stranger (or strangers) she found through a surrogacy agency, she may want to receive payment. The potential surrogate and the intended parents will have to discuss compensation before starting the surrogacy. If they cannot come to an agreement, they may not be a good match.
Strict Intended Parents vs. Lenient Intended Parents
There are health requirements to becoming a surrogate. Women need to refrain from smoking and drinking alcoholic beverages during her surrogacy journey. Other than that, there are no dietary requirements for becoming a surrogate.
Sometimes the intended parents want the surrogate to stick to a very strict diet and exercise schedule. They may want to decide what the surrogate is allowed to eat and what she’s not allowed to eat. Some surrogates may welcome the instructions and willingly adjust their eating and exercising habits. Others may want more freedom and control.
Every woman applying to become a surrogate mother understands that she needs to take care of herself to guarantee the child’s health and well-being. If the intended parents are flexible – if they let the surrogate mother decide what her eating habits will be on her own – the surrogate may see that as a sign of trust.
This is something that should be discussed before starting the process. If the surrogate and the intended parents can’t come to an agreement, then they aren’t a good match for each other.
Finding the Best Match in OK as a Gestational Surrogate
Adoption Choices of Oklahoma has been matching surrogate mothers and intended parents for years. We put a lot of effort into finding the best intended parents, but only you can decide if the intended parents we find are the right match for you. If you know ahead of time what you want from the intended parents, we’d be happy to accommodate you. We’re here to listen and help you make your surrogacy journey as easy and fulfilling as possible.
Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Oklahoma is a surrogacy and adoption agency, licensed by the state of Oklahoma and leader in the community. We assist both intended parents and gestational carriers (surrogates). Our staff members are committed to providing an ethical, empowering, and personalized experience to all involved in the surrogacy process.
Meet the Author: Heather Valenzano is an up-and-coming content creator with a bachelor’s degree in mass communications and a minor in English. After graduating from Iona College in 2019, she got an internship – and then a part-time job – writing blogs and managing social media accounts forHip New Jersey, a lifestyle website owned byLong Shot Productions. She has also produced website and social media content forCommonPage, an external collaboration platform.
When she isn’t working, Heather enjoys watching crime shows like Forensic Filesor posting book reviews toOnlineBookClub.orgunder the username “LavenderLiterature2.”