Giving Up My Baby for Adoption: Will My Child Hate Me?

When you’re deciding to place your baby up for adoption, there are so many questions that run through your head: What will my baby think of me?  If I put my baby up for adoption, will my child hate me? Unfortunately, these questions can hinder your decision-making because all you want is to have your child be happy.

The choices you make in your Oklahoma adoption plan can change the way that you make certain decisions, including choosing which type of adoption you want. You may not know what your child thinks of you if you choose a closed adoption, but open or semi-open adoption can help alleviate this stress and these blind thoughts. You will be able to talk with your child and see how he or she is feeling about the whole adoption.

There are ways to try and avoid your child’s hatred toward you. Match with adoptive parents who are open to open adoption, keep in touch with your child and continue to tell them that you love them, and understand that your child’s feelings are valid.

Here at Adoption Choices of Oklahoma, we have support for you. We know how hard being a birth mother is with all of the stress and trauma from choosing between unexpected pregnancy options and choosing adoption for yourself and your child, in the end. It’s understandable to have these worrying thoughts and questions. It’s normal, and we are here to be a support system for you.

Match with Adoptive Parents Who Also Want Open Adoption

If you are okay with staying open with your Oklahoma adoption process and not keeping it private after the final papers are signed, open adoption may be the best option, especially when you are anxious about your child hating you over this decision. With the adoptive parents, you can negotiate how much communication there is. You can set boundaries and find out what’s best for you, the adoptive parents, and your child.

Open adoption will allow you to stay in contact with your child. It allows you to be able to explain yourself and your adoption decision. You can tell them why it was the best option for you and that you just wanted to give them a happy, healthy, and loving family and home life.

Keep out the negativity when explaining your decision to them. If you chose adoption because of negative reasons caused by the birth father, don’t mention this. Your child shouldn’t hear this when having these worrisome thoughts about you giving them away. Keep the discussion positive. You want to remind your child that you chose adoption because you love them so much.

Adoption Stigma: What Happens if You Choose to Place Your Baby for Adoption

Unfortunately, there is a lot of stigma around adoption. This can be because of how adoption is portrayed in movies and television shows. It often shows how angry the birth children are when they finally find their birth mother or father. This can cause you to think that your child will act the same way and have those same emotions, but that is not the case.

Your child is valid to have these different kinds of emotions. They may be angry, or they may not be. Whatever the case may be, they don’t fully understand why you placed them for adoption until you explain it to them. Being able to have this one-on-one discussion with them, whether it be over the phone call, video call, or face to face meeting, is important.

Your Baby’s Feelings About their Adoption Are Valid 

Your child has no idea what you, as a birth mother, goes through. An unexpected pregnancy and the rough decision of adoption are both traumatic events that your child has never experienced. He or she is blind to what you went through. They may be feeling a range of emotions when they understand adoption and what it means. Their thoughts could be something along the lines of my birth mother gave me away. This is a harsh thought, but they don’t understand. They could hate you, and they could be upset or sad, but these are valid feelings that they can have. This may hurt you a lot, but you can explain all of your reasons as to why you chose adoption. This can help change their feelings to better ones and happier and understanding feelings.

Put yourself in your child’s shoes. If your birth mother gave you to adoptive parents a little after she gave birth to you, you might feel angry, too. You might have thoughts that you weren’t enough for her or that she didn’t want you. This is not the case because we know that you love your child, but it just wasn’t the right time for you to raise a child for whatever reason. Your child grows up in such a loving and happy home with their adoptive parents, so you might think that they should be happy and they should love their life, but remember, they don’t see through your eyes or hear your thoughts. They only know that you gave them away.

You Are Not Alone if you Choose to Place Your Baby for Adoption

You are not alone in your worries. It is natural. We understand where you are coming from when you ask: If I put my baby up for adoption, will my child hate me? We understand and are here for you. If you have any questions and need support through your OKC adoption journey, contact us.

Here at Adoption Choices of Oklahoma, we understand these anxieties about your child having hateful feelings and thoughts towards you. Connect with an adoption caseworker, and he or she will help you make the best decision, given your worries. We’ve seen many different adoption journeys being an adoption agency in Oklahoma and have heard all different kinds of questions and worries.

Adoption Choices of Oklahoma is a private adoption agency, licensed by the state of Oklahoma and a leader in the adoption community. We have been assisting birth parents, children, and adoptive families in Oklahoma for over 19 years. Our staff members are committed to providing an ethical, empowering, and personalized adoption experience to all involved in the adoption process.  If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact us.
Toll-free: 800-898-6028 | OKC Local: 405-755-1999 | Tulsa Local: 918-447-7777 | Text: 405-310-8790 | Email

Meet the Author: Molly Allington is an aspiring author born and raised in Syracuse, New York. When she’s not watching her latest Netflix obsession, you can find her nose deep in a book or in her writing. She has been writing books since she was twelve and is in the process of trying to get her finished books published. Molly has a BA in Creative Writing from Southern New Hampshire University. With her writing, she is hoping to share supportive information and help as many people as possible. Once she starts her own family, she is wanting to adopt.