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How to Choose an Adoptive Family as a Birth Mother

As a birth mother, deciding to place your child for adoption may have been a difficult decision. Now you are suddenly faced with the challenge of choosing an adoptive family for your child. All of this may feel overwhelming, and you may be looking for anything to help make this decision a little easier.

Well, you’ve come to the right place! Below, we have 5 tips on how to choose an adoptive family as a birth mother.

1. Create an Adoptive Family Wish List

When looking at prospective adoptive families, it may help to pick a few things that are important to you and apply them to your search. Maybe family size is important to you and you would prefer your child be adopted into a family that has other children. Or perhaps your religion is a big part of your life and you would like your child to be raised in your faith.

Try creating a brief wish list of values and qualities that the “perfect” adoptive family for your child would have. This list will make it easier for you to narrow down your options and help you find that one special family that would love for your child to be the most important part of their life.

2. Choosing an Adoption Type

Choosing the type of adoption is an important step in the adoption process. Today, open adoptions are the preferred adoption type as they offer the birth parents and adoptive family the opportunity for transparent and healthy communication. At Adoption Choices of Oklahoma, we offer 3 types of adoption: open, semi-open and closed.

The level of openness is up to you, so you should take careful consideration in your decision. If you are interested in maintaining a relationship with your child whether that be via visits, calls, letters, or any number of ways to keep in contact, then open adoption is a great option to consider. Ultimately, this decision is yours to make and you should choose the type of adoption that feels most comfortable to you.

3. Take Your Time Choosing an Adoptive Family

This is a big decision and will likely be one of the toughest ones you will ever have to make. Taking that into consideration, there’s no need to rush this decision. You will need time to process your feelings and emotions. As a birth mother, this decision isn’t easy, and the adoption process can become overwhelming very quickly if you don’t pace yourself.

Take your time. Thoroughly read through the adoptive family profiles. Take a break when you need one. Your choices will affect your future, as well as your child’s and their adoptive family’s. It is natural to want to give yourself all the time you need to make a careful and confident decision.

4. Meet the Adoptive Family

A profile on paper may not feel like enough to really know someone or enough to trust them to love and raise your child. Sometimes, meeting a potential adoptive family face-to-face before you make your decision is the best option. Don’t be afraid to ask your adoption caseworker if they would be able to set up a meeting for you.

You could propose a place like a coffee shop, a park or somewhere you would all feel comfortable having this conversation. Or, if everyone would prefer, a phone call or video call could also be an option.

Meeting and personally speaking with a prospective adoption family could help you better visualize the life your child will have with them. You could also ask any specific questions you may have or ask for clarification on something you are having lingering doubts about.

5. Trust Yourself

Everyone involved in the adoption process will have your baby’s best interest in mind, but, as the birth mother, the final decisions will be yours. You want your child to be placed with a family who will love and care for them. You want your child to have a bright future. You want what is best for your child, which is why you are making this difficult decision.

You are the most qualified person to make these decisions for your child’s future and you should do so knowing this is something only you can do for your child. Trust in yourself and listen to your instincts. Trust that when everything is said and done, you did your best and feel good about your decisions.

Choose Happiness 

Figuring out how to choose an adoptive family as a birth mother is no easy feat. There are no right or wrong ways to do it – after all, your way is the best way. Choose wisely and with confidence. And, most important of all, choose happiness for you, your child, and one lucky adoptive family.

Adoption Choices of Oklahoma is a private adoption agency, licensed by the state of Oklahoma and leader in the adoption community. We have been assisting birth parents, children, and adoptive families in Oklahoma for over 19 years. Our staff members are committed to providing an ethical, empowering, and personalized adoption experience to all involved in the adoption process.  If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact us.
Toll-free: 800-898-6028 | OKC Local: 405-755-1999 | Tulsa Local: 918-447-7777 | Text: 405-310-8790Email

Meet the Author: Kristle Hailes is just your average, Alaska-born writer with a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and a dragon’s hoard of books and tea. In addition to educating young minds for over 12 years as a teacher, Kristle is also a professional daydreamer, world-builder, author-in-progress, and wordsmith. Writing is the air in her lungs, and she has been breathing life into paper ever since she learned her ABCs and realized you could play with words.

Kristle currently lives in South Carolina where she can usually be found face-deep in a book and a cup of tea or digging herself out of plot holes while working on the first novel of her adult contemporary fantasy series.

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