I’m a Birth Mother in Oklahoma, How Do I Cope With Mother’s Day?

Mother’s Day can be a very difficult time for birth mothers. Many birth mothers spend Mother’s Day away from their biological children. Depending on her adoption plan – depending on which type of adoption she chose – a birth mother may not see her child frequently (or at all). Even though she and her child are apart – even though she has no parental rights over her child – she may still feel connected to her child. She can’t forget about her child, and the memory of that child may be strongest on Mother’s Day.

Are you a birth mother? Will this upcoming Mother’s Day be your first Mother’s Day since your child’s birth? Are you feeling sorrow during this time of year? If so, take comfort in knowing that you’re not alone. Every birth mother feels the pain you are feeling right now, and every birth mother has her own way of dealing with that pain. Here are three ways birth mothers cope with Mother’s Day.

Three Ways Birth Mothers Cope with Mother’s Day

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

If the date is making you feel sad, you shouldn’t try to ignore or deny those feelings. You should acknowledge and accept them. Don’t bottle up your sadness. Find a healthy way to release that pain. Write down how you feel in a journal, or share your feelings with a friend or family member you can trust.

2. Find Time for Yourself

Some birth mothers may want some space on Mother’s Day. Some may want some time alone so they can reflect on their feelings, and that’s perfectly fine.

It might be a good idea to find something that makes you feel happy, whether it’s an item or an activity. Read your favorite book, or go for a walk if the weather is nice. Treat yourself by cooking your favorite meal or buying something you’ve been saving up for.

3. Remember That You are Not Alone in Your Pain

– Other Birth Mothers

Many women and girls are going through what you’re going through. Many have made the brave and selfless decision to place their child up for adoption. These women and girls, like you, are carrying their own pain during this time of year. Take comfort in knowing that you are not alone.

– The Adoptive Parents

Some birth mothers and adoptive parents communicate regularly, but others communicate on occasion. Depending on the relationship between the two parties – depending on how comfortable the two parties are with each other – they may or may not contact each other on holidays like Mother’s Day.

Some adoptive parents send flowers or a card to their birth mother as a way of thanking her for her part in creating their family. Others may feel awkward or uncomfortable reaching out to the birth mother. This discomfort stems from the fact that they are not the biological parents. While they do love the child and know that they are giving the child everything he or she needs, they may still feel insecure during Mother’s Day (or Father’s Day).

Your feelings about Mother’s Day may be slightly different from the adoptive parents’ feelings about Mother’s Day, but you can take comfort in the fact that this day might not be easy for them either.

Ways Birth Mothers Cope with Mother’s Day in Oklahoma

We hope you found these tips helpful. At Adoption Choices of Oklahoma, we want what’s best for all our birth mothers. We want them to feel proud and confident about their decision to place their children up for adoption, and we want them to find happiness following the adoption.

Adoption Choices of Oklahoma is a private adoption agency, licensed by the state of Oklahoma and leader in the adoption community. We have been assisting birth parents, children, and adoptive families in Oklahoma for over 19 years. Our staff members are committed to providing an ethical, empowering, and personalized adoption experience to all involved in the adoption process.  If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact us.
Toll-free: 800-898-6028 | OKC Local: 405-755-1999 | Tulsa Local: 918-447-7777 | Text: 405-310-8790 | Email

Meet the Author: Heather Valenzano is an up-and-coming content creator with a bachelor’s degree in mass communications and a minor in English. After graduating from Iona College in 2019, she got an internship – and then a part-time job – writing blogs and managing social media accounts for Hip New Jersey, a lifestyle website owned by Long Shot Productions. She has also produced website and social media content for CommonPage, an external collaboration platform.

When she isn’t working, Heather enjoys watching crime shows like Forensic Files or posting book reviews to OnlineBookClub.org under the username “LavenderLiterature2.”