To understand who birth mothers truly are, we must understand what they are not. Sadly, there are many myths circulating about birth mothers that paint false images of them and the adoption journey. Adoption Choices would like to dispel some of those, and put minds at ease.
Myth #1: Birth mothers are uncaring, selfish and quickly forget about their children
Fact: Incorrect. Making a plan for adoption takes an immense amount of courage and selflessness. Birth mothers never forget their experience or their baby. Some birth mothers will document their adoption journey with a journal and take pictures of the baby post birth. Even without tangible memories, though, birth mothers never forget their child. The emotional connection never disappears. They continue to think about their child, and hope that they grow up happy and healthy.
Myth #2: Birth mothers are irresponsible, and choose adoption for the easy way out
Fact: On the contrary. The opposite is true of birth mothers. Adoption is not the easy way out by any means. It’s one of the most difficult decisions a mother can make. Carrying their child for nine months, giving birth and then having to say goodbye…it’s a devastating experience that birth mothers choose because they aren’t able to give their child their best chance.
Myth #3: Birth mothers do not love their children
Fact: Not so. Birth mothers are loving and nurturing women just like any other mother. They endure pregnancy and all that goes with it. The morning sickness, hormonal and physical changes, and many other discomforts. From beginning to end, birth mothers do everything they can to make sure their baby is taken care of. The ultimate expression of love is going through that and still following through with their decision and say goodbye to them.
Myth #4: They will try and reclaim their children
Fact: This is a common fear of adoptive parents, but no. The last thing birth mothers want to do is create a scene and disrupt either her child’s life adjusting to their new life, or the adoptive parent’s settling into their journey as new parents. Once the court process has been finalized, a birth mother cannot change her mind or undo an adoption.
Myth #5: They are druggies, teenagers and/or promiscuous
Fact: Unfortunate misconceptions. Adoption is hard enough, and fraught with emotions. Passing judgments or making assumptions about birth mothers aren’t necessary or respectful. Some birth mothers have struggled with substance abuse, but that doesn’t mean that all birth mothers do. Creating generalizations like this are very dangerous and unhealthy.
The same goes for categorizing birth mothers by age or lifestyle choices. Birth mothers come from all walks of life. Teenager or young adult, girl next door or a friend or family member. Unplanned pregnancies can happen to any woman. They don’t only result in a woman’s teenage years or through promiscuity.
Myth #6: They regret their decision
Fact: No adoption is free from loss. It truly is the greatest sacrifice a mother can ever make. Saying goodbye to their baby and watching him or her leave the room is a heart-wrenching experience. However, by the time this moment happens, the birth mother has come to terms with her choice. She has gone through the ins and outs, warred through the pros and cons, and willingly decided to do the best thing for her child. It doesn’t mean her choice won’t hurt or cause her grief, but she finds comfort in the pictures and updates sent afterwards from the adoptive parents.
Whether or not she regrets her decision isn’t the issue. It’s remembering her selfless and loving choice of giving her child the best life possible.
Myths about Birth Mothers
It’s important to be careful of what information is spread in regards to birth mothers. Details can easily get fabricated each time it’s passed down through word of mouth, which is where myths are born. Be sure that when having discussions about birth mothers that everything can be relayed accurately and give them the respect that they deserve.
Adoption Choices of Oklahoma
If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact, Adoption Choices of Oklahoma. You may visit our website here or call 405-794-7500 (Oklahoma City) or 918-982-6220 (Tulsa).
Make an Impact
Adoption Choices, Inc. is partnering with Crowdrise, a fundraising website for nonprofits, to help our adoptive parents and birth parents with much needed financial assistance. We understand that expenses keep clients from fulfilling their dreams. Both with birth parents making a plan for adoption, and with adoptive parents growing their family. It is our mission to provide financial assistance through grants and scholarships, awarded annually in November, in honor of National Adoption Month. Funds assist adoptive parents with matching and placements, adoption finalization and helping birth mothers improve their lives through higher education — and much more.
However, we can’t do it alone. Please read up on our programs and donate money where you are able. Your donation will make a huge impact.
About the Author
Rachel Robertson is a published journalist, book editor, certified Publishing Specialist, and aspiring novelist. She graduated from Central Washington University (CWU) in March 2011, having found her writing voice within the Creative Nonfiction genre and grew to work as a freelance book editor for small presses all across the United States.
In June 2018, she embarked on an internship with Virginia Frank and came on board with Adoption Choices Inc., Not for Profit 501(c)(3), in December 2018. Between her mutual passion with adoption and surrogacy, and her own personal history with adoption, Rachel is excited to research and share topics each week that will spread awareness and better serve the faithful patrons of Adoption Choices Inc.
When Rachel isn’t haunting her local Starbucks or Barnes and Noble, she’s avidly pouring over her Writer’s Digest subscription or cozying up with a cup of tea and book. She currently resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her beloved wife and Border Collie.
“12 Myths About Birth Mothers.” Scary Mommy, 15 Mar. 2017, www.scarymommy.com/myths-about-birth-mothers/.
“Adoption Myth Three: Birth Parents Will Forget about Their Child.” Graceful Adoptions, 28 Nov. 2018, gracefuladoptions.com/adoption-myth-three-birth-parents-will-forget-child/.
Adoptions, Lifelong. “6 Myths about Placing a Baby for Adoption.” LifeLong Adoptions, www.lifelongadoptions.com/9-for-birthmothers/304-6-myths-about-placing-a-baby-for-adoption.
Bonnet, James. “How the Great Myths and Legends Were Created.” Writers Store, The Writers Store ® Incorporated, www.writersstore.com/how-the-great-myths-and-legends-were-created/.
“Myths VS Facts.” Small World Adoption, smallworldadoption.com/adoption/domestic/birth-mothers/myths-vs-facts/.