Not Feeling Guilty After My Adoption, Is There Something Wrong?
By Eric Somarriba
For many birth mothers, adopting out a baby leaves them with long-lasting guilt and regret. Those birth mothers often wish they would have had the means to stay with their children and raise them themselves. But there’s also another side to it. Some birth mothers feel relief and maybe even joy after their adoptions. From an outside view, it sounds heartless. What mother wouldn’t feel sadness putting their child up for adoption? It’s understandable for others to react that way, but so is a mother feeling this way. Much like some birth mothers regret giving their baby up, some regret not feeling that way. It can be tough; you may even wish you were feeling guilty, but it’s okay. At Adoption Choices of Oklahoma, we understand that adoption brings many different emotions. We’ve guided women throughout their adoptions for 19 years and have seen all kinds of aftermaths. Our articles usually involve helping mothers through their grief, but we also want to help those feeling the opposite.
Your Reasons For Adoption
Every mother has their own reasons for choosing adoption that stem from who they are and their circumstances. While pregnant and considering adoption, you weighed your reasons and decided what was best for you. Many birth mothers lack the financial or emotional support to raise a child properly. If that’s the case, it’s understandable to feel some relief in knowing you won’t have to struggle with unprepared parenthood. Or maybe you did have the resources but simply had no desire to be a parent then. Others may judge you for it, but there’s no shame in not wanting children. It’s not an uncommon desire. Regardless of your reasons, adopting out your child can be a massive weight off your shoulders. Having children changes everything about a parent’s life. It’s understandable to feel relief at not having to become one.
Am I a Horrible Person For Not Feeling Guilty After My Adoption
No, you’re not a bad person or mother for not feeling any guilt or regret. You ultimately made the best choice for you and your child in choosing adoption. No one should force anyone to be a parent if they aren’t ready or willing to. Alongside that, a child is ultimately better off with a parent who does want to be one. Even if you have no desire to know your child, you still showed a mother’s love in choosing adoption. You still chose to have your baby, and now they have the chance of a future with a loving family. So while your relief can revolve around you not having to grapple with parenthood, it can be about your baby too. Relief that they are now with a family who can and wants to be the one to care for them.
Feeling joy can be a lot harder for others to fathom you expressing. Relief is one thing, but happiness at the fact you gave up a baby is usually not an expected reaction. Though truly, joy can simply be a more extreme version of the relief you feel. When our adoption agencies in Oklahoma finish your adoption, you may feel joy at being able to return to normalcy. There is still a transition period that mothers go through when returning to their normal lives, but you can adapt. You won’t have a life-altering child with you, so you can return to pursuing the goals you had before your pregnancy. It’s understandable to realize and feel joy about this after overcoming any other hardship.
Adoption Aftermath With Adoption Choices
There are countless different feelings that can arise after adoption that birth mothers go through. Relief and joy may be your result, and that’s okay. No one can deny your feelings. If it was best for you and your child, then it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. You’re allowed to feel how you need to feel about moving on with your life and having peace. An Oklahoma adoption is a long and hard process, so don’t feel shame if you come out with positive emotions.
To begin your adoption journey with us, contact an adoption agency near you. Adoption Choices of Oklahoma is a private adoption agency licensed by the state of Oklahoma and a leader in the adoption community. We have been assisting birth parents, children, and adoptive families in Oklahoma for over 19 years. Our staff members are committed to providing an ethical, empowering, and personalized adoption experience to all involved in the adoption process. If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact us.
Toll-free: 800-898-6028 | OKC Local: 405-755-1999 | Tulsa Local: 918-447-7777 | Text: 405-201-6643 | Email