Qualities for Birth Mothers to Look for in Adoptive Parents

As a birth mother, there are many big decisions that you have to make, especially when it comes to placing your baby up for adoption. One of these decisions is finding the best adoptive parents. Here at Adoption Choices of Oklahoma, we know that finding adoptive parents is a scary decision to make. After all, the adoptive family you pick will be the ones raising your child. Having that amount of pressure to pick someone might be scary, but does not make the decision impossible. Never forget that you will always have support from us throughout your entire journey. Your caseworker will work with you to ensure the process runs smoothly. 

However, there are some choices that only you can make. Qualities to look for in adoptive parents is just one of these decisions. To help you get started, think about some of those qualities you might like to see in adoptive parents. What you are looking for in an adoptive family? Just remember that all of these choices are up to you. At the end of the day, only you can pick what family will be the best fit for your child!

Qualities to Look for in Adoptive Parents:

• Other Children

One thing to look out for is if the adoptive parents have other children. For some birth mothers, they hope to find parents who have multiple children. Whether their children are biological or the parents have been through the adoptive process before, this could be a good indicator of the couple’s experience in dealing with kids. However, other birth mothers hope to find adoptive parents who do not have any kids yet. While they may not be as experienced with children, they are eager to bring something new to their lives. This eager energy is very inviting to some birth mothers, and they get excited to help another family start their own journey. 

• Families With Pets

Are you a cat lover? A dog lover? They really aren’t kidding when they say raising an animal is like the test level for how raising a child would feel like! If you love animals, though, you might want to find someone that has those similar values. However, if you’re worried about potential allergies your child might have, maybe having a family with pets would not be ideal for you. 

• Religious Preferences

If you are religious yourself, one important quality you might look for in an adoptive family is that they are religious as well. Requesting this one might make you nervous or embarrassed, but there is no need to feel that way. This is not an odd request! It is possible to find an adoptive family who has the same religious background, and promises to raise your child in a faith-based household. 

• A Positive Outlook 

One characteristic that is important in any area of life, but especially when it comes to the adoption world, is having a positive outlook. Many adoptive parents might have one or two unsuccessful adoptions before they finally have the family they’ve hoped, dreamed and prayed for. The fact that they are persistent and keep trying even after a failed adoption shows how much they really do care to provide a better life for your child. 

• Great Communicators 

Communication is another skill that is important in any area of life. However, if you are hoping to have an open adoption with the adoptive parents, communication is key. In an open adoption, you would still have some level of communication with your child after the adoption process is complete. The level of communication is something that you and the adoptive family will decide together after being matched. This is why communication is an important skill to have. If you say you want to have a specific level of contact with your child, it is important that both you and the adoptive parents stay true to that level of communication. 

• Readiness for Parenting

While this one might seem obvious, it is definitely still something important to remember. The adoptive parents do have many questions and screenings they go through before being able to be matched with a family. However, there might be some adoptive parents more ready than others. Basic ideas on if a family is ready include: their emotional maturity, financial stability, motivation, and communication skills. 

If this is something that scares you, there is no need to worry! Your caseworker has gone through the adoption process many times, and knows how to distinguish between someone who is ready and someone who might not be. They will help guide you through every interview you have with an adoptive family to find the best fit for you. 

We are Here to Help!

No matter what part of the adoption process you are in, we are always here to help! Remember, no adoptive parent(s) are perfect. Every family has their strengths and their weaknesses. However, it is okay to have in mind what kind of values you hope your adoptive parents will have. Having these in mind before you start the search can be helpful in narrowing down your choices. 

At Adoption Choices of Oklahoma, your caseworker will help guide you through potential adoptive family matches to help find the best fit for you. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by these decisions, please do not hesitate to reach out to us! We are here to help through every step of the process to make it as smooth as possible for you. You are never alone!

Adoption Choices of Oklahoma is a private adoption agency, licensed by the state of Oklahoma and leader in the adoption community. We have been assisting birth parents, children, and adoptive families in Oklahoma for over 19 years. Our staff members are committed to providing an ethical, empowering, and personalized adoption experience to all involved in the adoption process.  If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact us.

You may visit our website here or call toll-free: 800-898-6028 | OKC Local: 405-755-1999 | Tulsa Local: 918-447-7777
or Text: 405-310-8790

Meet the Author: Hannah Carlsward is an aspiring journalist and photographer. She is currently a senior at Flagler College in St. Augustine, FL., where she studies journalism with minors in American Sign Language and Media Studies. Hannah loves connecting the world through her photography and stories, and loves showing people a new perspective on the world around them.

She aspires to continue in both writing and photography in the future, hopefully combining the two with the work she does. When she is not taking photos, she can always be found on some kind of adventure. She loves exploring the world and sharing it with others. You can see more of her work on her Instagram and her website.