Questions for Intended Parents to Ask the Gestational Carrier
You are expected to feel an overwhelming mix of emotions the first time you meet your gestational carrier. You will be feeling nervous, excited and eager as if you are going on a blind date! But remember to relax because it is all about conversation starters that build a strong relation from that point forward.
It is always good for intended parents to fully screen their gestational carrier’s profile to be well prepared for the questions they want to ask. If you are meeting for the first time, maybe you should start with ice breakers, such as asking about their interests, hobbies profession and maybe even their favorite ice cream flavor! It is also important to establish a virtual relationship. For instance, calling her every once in a while to check in on her before meeting in person.
There are, of course, exceptional questions that intended parents should consider asking their gestational carriers before officially moving forward with the gestational surrogacy plan. Some questions are crucial to assess the level of commitment that intended parents and gestational carriers are willing to pursue during the surrogacy period. In many cases, intended parents are assisted with surrogacy professionals who help them navigate and guide them through the best ways to ask about the most sensitive topics of the surrogacy process.
Here is a simple set of questions you can ask your gestational carrier:
1) What does your family think of your gestational surrogacy plans?
It is important to get a grasp of the background of the gestational carrier as it will help determine the type of support system that surrounds her. It also helps you understand the culture in which the baby will be growing with, in case you chose to keep ties with her or, more importantly, the culture that she grew up around and influenced her.
2) How committed are you to gestational surrogacy?
This question is crucial to help intended parents avoid any traps or being misled. In some cases, potential gestational carriers would show willingness to help intended parents build their families, but they are actually in it for the money or the benefits rather than the experience. It is important to know if the gestational carrier is committed to gestational surrogacy, because this is how you cultivate a relationship long term. Knowing the level of her dedication and commitment will help the overall gestational journey to go more smoothly.
3) Have you ever had any reproductive difficulties?
Some gestational carriers may have had difficulties conceiving in the past, and they can be very sensitive to bring it up in a conversation with the intended parents. Before you ask that question, make sure that you have looked thoroughly into her medical history. Even if she is no longer having those difficulties, and it is assured by a professional that it will not affect future pregnancies, it is still good to take note of those problems. This way you have created transparency between both of you and assured her that you have her back if anything goes wrong with the process.
4) What do you expect from us as intended parents? In what capacity would you like us to be involved?
Remember that this is a two-way discussion through this process; therefore, it is important to listen attentively to the gestational carrier’s concerns and needs. She may expect certain forms of assistance from your end, such as financial support in non-pregnancy related aspects or simply moral support. Prospective carriers will have questions for you, so, whatever those are, make sure you are always open to connecting the carrier with the resources she needs.
5) What do you expect to gain from this experience?
Building a solid foundation for your relationship starts with these types of questions. The whole pregnancy process could be either daunting for the carrier or completely delightful. She may tell you that she is seeking spiritual growth through this experience, or she is ambitious to learn about her body more, or for the simple philanthropic purpose of building a happy family. Knowing such information will help intended parents build the space in which she will be able to achieve those goals through the pregnancy.
Questions to Ask a Gestational Carrier
Finding the perfect gestational carrier may take time, so it is important to properly know each other and know your motivations before proceeding with legal commitments. Having a stress-free pregnancy all starts with those simple questions that incurs answers beyond the information written in her profile.
Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Oklahoma is a surrogacy and adoption agency, licensed by the state of Oklahoma and leader in the community. We assist both intended parents and gestational carriers (surrogates). Our staff members are committed to providing an ethical, empowering, and personalized experience to all involved in the surrogacy process.
Meet the Author: A native Arabic speaker from Cairo, Egypt, Fatma Khaled is a graduate student from Columbia Graduate School of Journalism, class 2020 where she focused on visual journalism and long-form narrative. Her work in journalism began in 2013 when she covered the political turmoil in Egypt at the time and reported on different beats afterwards in the country including women’s issues, press freedom, and minority rights.
She is one of the White House Correspondents Association scholars for 2020 and recipient of a certificate of achievement from HarvardX initiative specializing in humanitarian crisis and conflict resolutions. She has experience in business reporting with focus on the impact of state economic policies on financial markets and business sectors including real estate, trade, and entrepreneurship.
Throughout her experience in Egypt and the U.S., she covered different reporting beats including LGBTQ, mental health, religion, education, gender issues, homelessness, international politics, business, culture and immigration. Tackling day to day job challenges, she is always in the process of honing her writing and multimedia skills to produce a high quality of shoe-leather reporting.