One would not buy a house without asking questions. The same applies to surrogacy. Your gestational carrier is going to be the first home for your future baby, so you need a guarantee that you’ll feel comfortable with your decision.
At Adoption Choices of Oklahoma, we want to ensure that you take the necessary steps and time to get to know your gestational carrier. Both the intended parent(s) and carriers have a lot invested in their relationships, such as: trust, time, hope, sacrifice and energy. The whole surrogacy process can be overwhelming, but don’t worry. We are here to ensure that you and your partner or spouse are at ease, whether that be emotionally, financially, or medically.
Prospective Matches
Adoption Choices of Oklahoma screens potential gestational carriers’ medical histories, as well as their background checks. When we feel that a particular carrier would be an excellent match for you, we will connect you to set up a meeting.
During the first meeting, there is sure to be an overwhelming amount of emotion. You may feel excited, stressed, nervous and anxious meeting the person who has the ability to change your life for the better. All of that is natural and understandable. But, just remember, your potential gestational carrier may be feeling the same. Picture this meeting as you would a first date. Awkward moments and bouts of laughter are sure to arise. In the end, though, you’ll sense her personality and values and know whether there’s a natural connection or not.
The first meeting is also significant in the event that you’ll offer details of your lifestyle, family, hobbies, and career. Remember, allow her time to ask you questions as well. Conversations are two-way streets.
Great Ice Breaker Questions to Ask
Here are some great ice breaker questions to ask your potential gestational carrier:
- Why did you decide to become a surrogate?
- What does a typical day look like for you?
- What are your interests/hobbies?
- Do you have a family of your own? If so, how do they feel about your surrogacy plans?
More In-depth Questions to Ask
If you feel that both you and the gestational carrier are getting along and the meeting is going smoothly, it’s ok to dive a little deeper with your questions. Do you want to know more about her idea of a surrogacy plan? Is she really ready to commit to a pregnancy journey with you and your partner or spouse? Here are some other questions to ask your potential gestational carrier:
- How have your past pregnancies been?
- How does your partner or spouse feel about gestational surrogacy, and what does this mean for your relationship/family?
- Do you have children of your own? If so, what are their thoughts on gestational surrogacy?
- How do you envision communication before, during and after the pregnancy/birth?
- May we be present at a doctor/ultrasound appointment?
- Are you open to carrying multiples?
- Are you open to supplements for the baby? Is there a special diet that you follow?
- How do you feel about selective reduction or termination of embryos?
- Are there any circumstances that you would or would not consider?
- What are your expectations from us, the intended parents?
- What are you hoping to gain from this experience?
- Are you wanting further communication after the baby is born?
What to Watch for
Remember when your parents asked you, “What is your gut feeling?” As much as we might have fought back or tried to prove them wrong as children, our parents taught us important lessons. They were, more often than not, right because of their hard-earned life experiences. Listening to our instincts remains a valuable asset to this day. Remember to trust your “gut feeling”. If you sense that your potential gestational carrier isn’t the right match, don’t second-guess yourself.
When meeting her for the first time, there are a few red flags to watch for. Be sure to stay in-tune with your “gut feeling” as the meeting progresses.
Be wary if you notice any of these signs:
- If the gestational carrier’s focus is more on finances, and not helping you grow your family
- If she doesn’t agree to signing a legal contract
- If she rushes through the conversation or answers generically
- If the potential gestational carrier has lack of support from friends and family
Asking the Correct Questions
While the process of getting matched or speaking with a potential gestational carrier is exciting, remember this: don’t rush through it. Make sure to plan out each question and concern you have ahead of time. It’s all too easy to think you’re prepared and have questions mentally recorded, then go blank when face-to-face with a candidate. So, plan accordingly. If you don’t feel a connection with her or sense her that intention(s) are impure, you can always keep searching.
The act of giving is something we overlook daily. Gestational surrogacy is a journey that can transform your life forever if you take the time to find your best match. Rest assured, we will do our utmost to ensure you have the most positive and empowering experience possible.
Adoption Choices of Oklahoma
Adoption Choices of Oklahoma is a private adoption agency, licensed by the state of Oklahoma and leader in the adoption community. We have been assisting birth parents, children, and adoptive families in Oklahoma for over 19 years. Our staff members are committed to providing an ethical, empowering, and personalized adoption experience to all involved in the adoption process. If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact us. You may visit our website here or call 405-794-7500 (Oklahoma City) or 918-982-6220 (Tulsa).
Support Adoption Choices
Adoption Choices, Inc. is partnering with Crowdrise, a fundraising website for nonprofits, to help our adoptive parents and birth parents with much needed financial assistance. We understand that expenses keep clients from fulfilling their dreams. Both with birth parents making a plan for adoption, and with adoptive parents growing their family. It is our mission to provide financial assistance through grants and scholarships, awarded annually in November, in honor of National Adoption Month. Funds assist adoptive parents with matching and placements, adoption finalization and helping birth mothers improve their lives through higher education — and much more.
However, we can’t do it alone. Please read up on our programs and donate money where you are able. Your donation will make a huge impact.
About the Author
Ashley Johnson is an Editorial Intern from Pendroy, Montana. She writes a weekly lifestyle blog which includes adoption and surrogacy. Before starting at Adoption Choices, Inc., Ashley worked for six years as a legal clerk for a judge in Montana. She has decided to go back to college to finish her degree in Communications in hopes of pursuing her passion for writing. Ashley is excited to share her experience with adoption as well as being able to bring a rural outlook on adoption and surrogacy.
In her spare time, Ashley enjoys working on her family ranch with her husband and two children, coaching high school basketball and settling in.
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Sources:
“Gestational Surrogacy Agency – Egg Donation | Surrogacy Choices.” Surrogacy Choices, www.surrogacychoices.com/intended-parents/surrogacy-process-intended-parents. Accessed 14 Mar. 2020.
“Third Party Reproduction.” Society For Assisted Reproductive Technology, www.sart.org/patients/third-party-reproduction. Accessed 14 Mar. 2020.
“What Should I Know about Using a Surrogate?” WebMD, www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/qa/what-should-i-know-about-using-a-surrogate. Accessed 13 Mar. 2020.
