Three Tips for Your First Holiday In Your First Open Oklahoma Adoption
If you have recently chosen to place your child up for adoption, the holidays may be a difficult time for you. Luckily, if you have chosen an open adoption in Oklahoma, you may be able to spend the holidays with your child and their family as well. Being clear about what you want during this time with your Oklahoma adoptive family can be so helpful. It can also be a good idea to discuss presents with your Tulsa adoptive family to be sure you not only get the right thing but are respectful about any wishes the parents may have. Taking part in traditions together can be so fun and meaningful as well. Here are some tips to help this season go smoothly for all involved:
1.) Boundaries Between Oklahoma Adoptive and Birth Parents
Although you are the child’s birth parent, you need to remember you are not the parent raising them. You are not co-parenting with the parents raising them. It is good to keep this in mind to help respect boundaries and prevent hurt feelings. With the holidays, emotions and tensions can run high, so it can be helpful to sit down and have a conversation with your child’s Tulsa adoptive parents about holiday expectations. Deciding on boundaries between you and your child’s family can be very helpful.
For instance, acknowledging any preexisting engagements your child may have, such as school, homework, holiday recitals or pageants, or even church services. Ask if you are welcome at these holiday recitals or concerts, or even if you are welcome to attend church services with them if they are religious. It can be helpful to decide between all of you what kinds of gifts are acceptable to you or what events and traditions you can take part in. There may be some things the Oklahoma adoptive parents would like to have alone with their child, like Christmas morning opening gifts, but you may be able to all get together later on in the day or the day before.
2.) Holiday Gifts from Oklahoma Birth Mothers
As I mentioned before, there may be some things on your child’s Christmas list your child’s Oklahoma adoptive family would be uncomfortable with the child receiving from you if a puppy has been requested, best not to give in to that request or at least discuss it with your child’s adoptive parents.
If they were thinking of getting that for the child themselves, you might be able to chip in, so it came from the three of you, or you could get some of the accompanying accessories for the puppy. In the end, remember that what you get your child will be living with their family, so if you bring a drum set or a puppy, the family may not be so happy to have these things in their home twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, three hundred sixty-five days a year.
Plus, who knows, you may both get the same thing for the child and find yourself awkwardly wishing you had discussed what you were each going to get off the child’s list for them. You should also know that there is nothing wrong with homemade gifts. Not everyone can afford big, fancy presents, and a gift from the heart can mean even more than a fancy present. This is especially true when your child looks back on that gift and knows the meaning behind it. For instance, you could give them a locket from your jewelry box, with a picture of you both in it, or a frame with a picture of the both of you, or even a beautiful card saying how much you love them. They can look back on these beautiful presents and feel the thought, care, and love you put into these items.
3.) Traditions for Oklahoma Birth Parents and Adoptive Families
The holidays are a time of traditions and celebration. There are many traditions you may wish to take part in or even create with your child and their family. You can all go find Christmas trees together, make ornaments, decorate trees, light candles, bake cookies, and do all sorts of other wintery activities. I know I have great memories with my mom, playing in the snow, sipping hot cocoa, and slurping down chicken noodle soup, so the world is your oyster in terms of traditions to take part in together. Have fun this holiday season with your child and your extended Tulsa adoptive family.
Adoption Choices of Oklahoma
We understand this can be a hard time for so many families, so if you need any help, know that we are here to help. Our counseling services are available whenever you need them, regardless of how much time has passed since your Tulsa adoption has been finalized. You are part of our Adoption Choices family, and we only want the best for you. We hope you have the best holiday experience with your baby and adoptive family. Adoption Choices of Oklahoma is always ready to support you, so call today if there is anything you need.
Adoption Choices of Oklahoma is a private adoption agency, licensed by the state of Oklahoma and a leader in the adoption community. We have been assisting birth parents, children, and adoptive families in Oklahoma for over 19 years. Our staff members are committed to providing an ethical, empowering, and personalized adoption experience to all involved in the adoption process. If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact us.
Toll-free: 800-898-6028 | OKC Local: 405-755-1999 | Tulsa Local: 918-447-7777 | Text: 405-310-8790 | Email
Meet the author: Carly is a recent graduate of Connecticut College with a dual degree in Psychology and Italian Studies. Graduating Cum Laude with honors in both Psychology and Italian departments, Carly has a background in gender-related research through the Connecticut College Psychology Department and Honors Theses Program. When not trying to figure out life or working, Carly is reading historical fiction novels or playing with her black cat, Isabelle.