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Top Questions Adoptees Ask about Their Birth Mothers and How to Answer Them

While adoption is a wonderful thing, it is not uncommon for adoptees to feel a pull between their adoptive and biological families. This pull can often bring up personal questions about their birth parents, most commonly, their birth mother. As a birth mother, knowing that your child is asking questions about their past is scary. Does this mean they don’t like their family? What will he or she think of you? 

Keep in mind, however, that just because your child is searching for answers, that does not mean they are unhappy or angry with their situation. Curiosity is a natural human trait, and everyone wants to know their own origin story. Whether you’re considering placing your baby for adoption or are already watching them thrive with their adoptive family, here are four common questions you may face in the future.

  • Why did my birth mother place me for adoption?

This is the most common question asked by adoptees. Adoptees often wonder where they came from and what their life would look like if they weren’t adopted. When answering this question, be as honest as possible. Additionally, as you explain the situation, be sure to remind your child that you made your decision out of love.

  • How did my birth mother choose my adoptive family?

A child’s adoptive family plays a vital role in who your child grows up to be. Therefore, it is completely natural for them to be curious about why you chose their specific adoptive family. When you are answering this question, consider asking your child’s adoptive parents to show him or her the profile book they created when looking to adopt. This helps your child create a concrete picture in their mind about how their family was created.

  • How did my birth parents meet?

While discussing your relationship with your child’s birth father may be uncomfortable, he is still part of your child’s story. Once again, be honest with your child, adapting the information to their age. 

  • What does my birth mother look like?

Adoptees asking this question often desire to put a face to the mysterious person who changed their life. Additionally, they may wonder whether they share any physical features or personality traits with you. Consider leaving your child a picture of yourself or a letter detailing your personality to help satisfy that curiosity. 

Top Questions Adoptees Ask About their Birth Mothers

These questions may be sensitive, but, it is important to tell the truth – every child deserves to know their story. If you struggle with finding the right answers to your child’s questions, don’t be afraid to reach out to their adoptive parents or your birth parent counselor. They are all here to help!

Adoption Choices of Oklahoma is a private adoption agency, licensed by the state of Oklahoma and leader in the adoption community. We have been assisting birth parents, children, and adoptive families in Oklahoma for over 19 years. Our staff members are committed to providing an ethical, empowering, and personalized adoption experience to all involved in the adoption process.  If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact us.
Toll-free: 800-898-6028 | OKC Local: 405-755-1999 | Tulsa Local: 918-447-7777 | Text: 405-310-8790Email

Meet the Author: Grace Myers is a sophomore digital media major at North Greenville University. She loves writing and hopes to pursue a career in journalism or public relations after graduating.

An adoptee herself, Grace is passionate about writing for adoption. She especially loves hearing adoption stories and getting to know a variety of people.

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