Trust your Gut: Red Flags in Gestational Surrogacy
Do you ever have that gut feeling that something isn’t right? It nags at you, but you can’t put your finger on it? Do you chalk it up to being nervous or just psyching yourself out?
If you are considering becoming a gestational carrier, it is one of the most important choices you can make. Not only will you need to choose an agency, but also select the intended parents you’ll be working with. While the gestational surrogacy process is rewarding and unlike any other, there are some red flags in gestational surrogacy that Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Oklahoma wants you to be aware of. Gestational surrogacy is not just about the fetus’ health and safety, but also about your own.
Here are some things that could be considered red flags for you:
While everyone needs to make a living and pay the bills with something as serious as gestational surrogacy, the fetus’ health, as well as your own, is the most important thing. So, you’ll want to make sure the intended parents you work with feel the same. After all, you are helping their dreams of parenthood come true and allowing them to use your body to do so. This does not, however, mean that you should be treated as a time-share. You need to be treated with respect from both the agency and the intended parents. This isn’t about the money for you, and shouldn’t be for the intended parents either.
If the attention or priorities seems to be focused on the money, then that should be a red flag for you. Neither gestational surrogacy nor being a gestational carrier should be financially driven and could put you at greater risk if the intended parents aren’t looking out for your health and safety.
We’ve all been on a first date and know that either there is a connection with the other person or there is not. Meeting with a potential surrogacy agency or intended parents can feel similar. There will, naturally, be some nerves and lots of excitement at first. But you’ll want to make sure that the agency and intended parents have what you are looking for. That they share your goals, views and ideas about the gestational surrogacy process.
For instance, if you don’t feel welcome or appreciated, this can be a red flag. What you are doing is amazing and selfless. You deserve to work with those who appreciate that and want to invest in you for the right reasons.
Communication is key to being a gestational carrier. You need to be in regular contact with the agency, as well as the intended parents, just to ensure that everyone is on the same page. While technology in our world is only getting faster, we need to realize that this is not always how communication works. We are not always going to get a response from people within minutes. Giving people a few days to respond is normal, but do wait weeks on end for communication from the parties involved. It’s almost like waiting for that call after the first date. If you don’t hear from the party within a few days, you need to move on and find a better fit.
Are They Legit?
Like anything today, you can find it on the Internet whether it is clothing, weather or daily gossip. Well, gestational surrogate agencies are no different. You need to ensure that you do your research before you sign a contract or any kind of verbal agreement. Research the agency’s webpage and read the posted reviews. Also, see if they would let you speak to any previous gestational carriers to see what the process was like not only as a carrier, but also working with the agency. If the agency is not okay with letting this happen, that should be a red flag.
Similar with intended parents. If you get a bad vibe or feel uneasy around them in any way, listen to these. Your instinct is telling you that something is off with these particular intended parents. If this happens, it’s important for you to politely decline working with them and finding another couple or individual you feel more comfortable around.
Red Flags in Gestational Surrogacy
Having the right agency and intended parents through your gestational surrogacy journey can make all of the difference in the world, so always listen and trust your gut. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask. You need to be comfortable with the process, agency and the intended parents.
In the gestational surrogacy process, all parties need to be transparent. You need to be able to have that open line of communication and feel like the agency and intended parents are keeping your best interests — and that of the baby’s — in mind.
Here at Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Oklahoma, we would love to help you navigate through the gestational process. We are a private agency, licensed by the state, and fully invested in providing an empowering and positive gestational journey for both you and the intended parents. We are committed to keeping everyone’s best interests at heart at all times.
Adoption Choices of Oklahoma is a private adoption agency, licensed by the state of Oklahoma and leader in the adoption community. We have been assisting birth parents, children, and adoptive families in Oklahoma for over 19 years. Our staff members are committed to providing an ethical, empowering, and personalized adoption experience to all involved in the adoption process. If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact us.
Meet the Author: Ashley Johnson is an Editorial Intern from Pendroy, Montana. She writes a weekly lifestyle blog which includes adoption and surrogacy. Before starting at Adoption Choices, Inc., Ashley worked for six years as a legal clerk for a judge in Montana. She has decided to go back to college to finish her degree in Communications in hopes of pursuing her passion for writing. Ashley is excited to share her experience with adoption as well as being able to bring a rural outlook on adoption and surrogacy.
In her spare time, Ashley enjoys working on her family ranch with her husband and two children, coaching high school basketball and settling in.