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Ways Birth Mothers can Bond with their Child’s Adoptive Parents

After creating your adoption plan, sorting through many adoptive families, and all the steps in between, you finally have found the best match for your child. This can seem like the end goal in a long process. While you’re excited to meet the adoptive family, it is perfectly natural to wonder how those first few meetups will go – Will they be awkward? Will I get along with them in person? Will we have anything to talk about? 

Here at Adoption Choices of Oklahoma, we know that it is scary to get to know someone you have never met before. However, just because the first meeting might be awkward does not mean that the rest have to be! That is why we have compiled this list of ways birth mothers can bond with their child’s adoptive parents

Keep in mind that these do not all have to be things you do in person! If there is a distance between you and the adoptive family, or if you do not feel comfortable meeting in person due to COVID, many of these events can also be done at home. The important thing to remember when planning any bonding event is that you feel comfortable!

Ways Birth Mothers can Bond with their Child’s Adoptive Parents

  • Ask 20 Questions

Twenty questions is a great opportunity to ask any questions you might have to the adoptive parents, and for them to ask you questions too! Each side can write down ten (or more) questions on separate pieces of paper, throw them all into a bowl and pick them out one by one. These questions do not have to be serious. They can be as silly as “who was your childhood celebrity crush?” or “what was your childhood dream job?” Really, it could be anything you want to know about the adoptive parents. Having fun questions mixed in with the serious helps to relax the overall feel of the meeting and makes it feel less structured. The less pressure there is, the more you both can learn about one another. 

  • Meet for a Cup of Coffee or Dinner

Meeting for a cup of coffee or for dinner is a great way to break the ice over something everyone enjoys – food! If you are nervous about meeting your child’s potential adoptive parents for the first time, doing something smaller like a local coffee shop or ice cream store is a great way to have shorter meetings. If you are willing to meet for longer, going out to dinner provides an opportunity to have longer conversations with your child’s adoptive parents. 

  • A Walk in the Park

Parks have a variety of ways you can bond. If the prospective adoptive parents already have children of their own, going to a local park or playground can be a great way to see how they interact with their own children. Also, going on nice walks around the park can give you a way to keep exercising throughout your pregnancy. Walking is not only a healthy excuse to get you outside for some fresh air, but it also keeps you strong throughout your pregnancy. 

  • A Spa Day

Nothing ever beats a nice, relaxing spa day. It helps you destress and provides a soothing, pressure-free environment. Having a relaxing and pampering experience together can help all parties feel less anxious about what’s to come in the rest of the adoption process. If you do not want to go out to a salon, you could also create your own spa day at home. Face masks, mani/pedis, or small shoulder massages can all be recreated from the comfort of home. 

  • Volunteer Together

Find an organization to volunteer with together. This can help you discover what common values you share with the prospective adoptive parents. In addition, giving back in general can be a special bonding experience in many different ways. Working together towards a common cause is a great way to strengthen bonds away from the stresses of daily life. 

  • Visit a Favorite Place

Another cool way to bond with someone is to take them to your favorite place, and then ask them to take you to theirs. Whether this is a coffee shop, museum, or park, you can learn a lot about them as a person when you go to a spot they are comfortable in. If you are in a spot that is comfortable for you, it can also relax some of the tensions of meeting someone you do not know that well yet. 

Need Some More Ideas? Ask for Help!

If you ever need more ideas of ways to bond with your child’s adoptive parents, please do not hesitate to contact Adoption Choices of Oklahoma! We know that those first few meetups can be intimidating. However, we will be there with you every step of the way and help in any aspect we can, even when it comes to planning times to bond with your child’s adoptive parents. The most important thing to remember, though, is to make sure that you are comfortable. This is not meant to be stressful or feel like a job you need to do. Rather, look at it like meeting a new friend and wanting to get to know them better. Just have fun with it, and do whatever comforts you the most!

Adoption Choices of Oklahoma is a private adoption agency, licensed by the state of Oklahoma and leader in the adoption community. We have been assisting birth parents, children, and adoptive families in Oklahoma for over 19 years. Our staff members are committed to providing an ethical, empowering, and personalized adoption experience to all involved in the adoption process.  If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions concerns, feel free to contact us.

You may visit our website here or call toll-free: 800-898-6028 | OKC Local: 405-755-1999 | Tulsa Local: 918-447-7777
or Text: 405-310-8790

Meet the Author: Hannah Carlsward is an aspiring journalist and photographer. She is currently a senior at Flagler College in St. Augustine, FL., where she studies journalism with minors in American Sign Language and Media Studies. Hannah loves connecting the world through her photography and stories, and loves showing people a new perspective on the world around them.

She aspires to continue in both writing and photography in the future, hopefully combining the two with the work she does. When she is not taking photos, she can always be found on some kind of adventure. She loves exploring the world and sharing it with others. You can see more of her work on her Instagram and her website.


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