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Ways to Give Back to Your Child’s Birth Mother

If you’re reading this, you’re probably filled to the brim with uncontrollable excitement and utter nervousness. The due date is fast approaching, and before you know it, you’ll be holding your newborn baby in your arms. Perhaps you’ve already planned out your baby’s room — complete with an animal-themed mobile, a precious wicker crib, and dozens of plushies and dolls. But while you’ve been preparing for your little one’s arrival, your child’s birth mother is doing all the hard work.

Pregnancy, especially in the late stages, is extremely physically exhausting. The birth mother must deal with this discomfort for nine months, not to mention the often agonizing pain of giving birth. Additionally, the birth mother may be coping with emotional burdens: everything from familial judgement to the grief of giving up a baby.

Nevertheless, your child’s birth mother has decided to proceed with the adoption and bring a priceless gift into your world. Perhaps you can never repay her for her sacrifices, but it’s important to let her know how much you appreciate her.  You are about to welcome someone irreplaceable into your life, and it’s all thanks to her. Greeting her with a gift at the hospital is an excellent way to give back. Below are five meaningful gift ideas to show your gratitude.

1. Customized Jewelry 

Jewelry is a quick and easy way to remind your child’s birth mother how much you care. Furthermore, this gift allows for so much creativity. Necklaces, earrings and bracelets can be worn as a constant reminder of the child you both love, and wearing it frequently can help the birth mother feel connected to the child.

With this gift, there are several routes you could take. One option is to engrave a ring with the child’s initials. Another possibility could be a gemstone necklace with the child’s birthstone. If you want something more abstract, you could get a watch with the date of the child’s birth. Sometimes, the gift doesn’t need to be too sentimental; a simple message or uplifting quote would suffice. The birth mother can now avoid future uncomfortable encounters if passersby ask about jewelry referencing a child. Adoption can be difficult to talk about, so it’s wise to steer clear of anything flashy or obvious.

2. Photos

Photos can make the birth mother feel like a bigger part of her child’s life. Photography wonderfully captures someone’s presence without them physically being there. If you want a gift before heading to the hospital, considering framing a picture of the ultrasound. Otherwise, if you plan to keep in touch with your child’s birth mother, you could leave her with an empty photo album with the promise you’ll send pictures of your child growing up.

3. Self Care Basket

Bearing a child is an intensely exhausting experience, and it often affects the birth mother’s well-being. After a strenuous delivery, your child’s birth mother feels weary and drained. Helping her get back on her feet is the least you could do. When thinking about how to give back, consider a postpartum recovery kit — complete with essential gear to get her back on track. Some indispensable goods include: a journal, for the birth mother to process her feelings; bath items for the birth mother to relax; an encouragement book, full of quotes to make her feel better; tea and chocolate, for when she wants to indulge, and a calming coloring book.

4. Recordable Book 

If you want a gift that’s unique, you’ve come to the right place. This present is designed to help the birth mother deal with the heartbreak of saying goodbye to her baby. To comfort the birth mother’s woes, try purchasing a recordable book. This book is for the birth mother to record her voice, leaving a message for her baby. When the child is old enough to understand, they will open the book and hear an outpouring of love from their birth mother. Although this isn’t something that the birth mother keeps, the true gift is the assurance that the baby will grow up with a reminder of her mother’s devotion.

5. Something Matching 

Matching presents deepen the bond between the birth mother and the child. No matter how far apart they are, they’ll be linked by a similar gift. Perhaps you find two teddy bears — one for the birth mother, and one for your newborn. Every time the birth mother feels lonely or lost, missing her child unbearably, she can touch the teddy and think about her own child cuddling its identical at the very same moment. This minimizes the distance between mother and child, and makes the separation less difficult.

6. Treasure Chest

If you plan on continuing contact with the birth mother throughout the years, this gift idea is absolutely perfect. As the years pass by, you will collect thousands of mementos. You may have leftover tickets from your child’s dance recital, notes that they write to Santa, or the medal they won after their first tennis match. When you share these special moments with your child’s birth mother, she can safeguard every keepsake in a beautiful box. And it’s more than just a box — it’s a vow that you’ll stay in contact.

The Most Valuable Gift of All 

At the end of the day, your child’s birth mother is choosing adoption because she wants the very best for the child. She cannot provide what the child deserves, so she has decided to put them on a path towards a brighter future. The most important gift of all is your promise of protection. She changed your life, and now it’s time to give back. When meeting the birth mother, calm her doubts about the future. Reassure her that your child is in safe hands, and that you’ll love them like your own. Tell her how much you care about the baby already, and explain everything you’ll do to ensure their safety. By taking the time to empathize with the birth mother, you’re unknowingly giving the greatest gift of all: your oath to cherish the child for the rest of your life.

Adoption Choices of Oklahoma

If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact, Adoption Choices of Oklahoma. You may visit our website here or call 405-794-7500 (Oklahoma City) or 918-982-6220 (Tulsa).

Support Adoption Choices

CrowdriseAdoption Choices, Inc. is partnering with Crowdrise, a fundraising website for nonprofits, to help our adoptive parents and birth parents with much needed financial assistance. We understand that expenses keep clients from fulfilling their dreams. Both with birth parents making a plan for adoption, and with adoptive parents growing their family. It is our mission to provide financial assistance through grants and scholarships, awarded annually in November, in honor of National Adoption Month. Funds assist adoptive parents with matching and placements, adoption finalization and helping birth mothers improve their lives through higher education — and much more.

However, we can’t do it alone. Please read up on our programs and donate money where you are able. Your donation will make a huge impact.

About the Author

Kenneal Patterson

Kenneal Patterson is a sophomore at Northeastern University in Boston. She is currently studying Journalism and Political Science, with a minor in Global Health. She is honored to work with Adoption Choices, and hopes that her journalism will inspire others to be more empathetic and kind. She thinks that writing can convey important messages of hope and love, and wants to share these messages with others.

Kenneal spends her summers at home in Golden, Colorado, with her many cats and dogs. She is eternally grateful to those who read her work!

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