6 Reasons Why Birth Mothers Decline Adoptive Parent Matches
By Eric Somarriba
As a birth mother, the most important choice you have to make is the family that adopts your baby. It defines your child’s life and any relationship you may be able to have with them in the future. This is a decision that you can’t take lightly, so we encourage you to take your time on your choice. Through your adoption plan, you create your ideal profile of a family to adopt your child based on many qualities. Our job is to then find the best possible matches and present them to you to pick from. When we come to you with our matches, you have every right to refuse a match based on any detail. With your child’s future, there is no detail too small, but you may wonder what qualities are worth refusing. While that is ultimately but to you, we can list common reasons why birth mothers decline adoptive parent matches.
Adoption Choices of Oklahoma has guided women who are pregnant and considering adoption for 19 years. As a result, we have decades of experience finding loving homes for our adoptees and are confident in finding one for your baby. The ultimate choice is yours; we want to ensure you know how to make that all-important decision. Below are five common reasons why birth mothers decline matches.
Reasons Why Birth Mothers Decline Adoptive Parent Matches
1. Parenting Style
An opportunity you’ll have is the chance to meet with some of these adoptive families and meet each other directly. During this meeting, you’ll want to ask questions to help you decide on your chosen family. One of the most common questions we see that can make or break a match is parenting styles. There’s no one to raise a child but knowing the family’s plans show you a picture of your child’s life. You may hear a style that you think would work well or one that you think would negatively impact your baby. For example, the family may sound so hands-on that they’re overly strict or not hands-on enough they seem neglectful. If what they say doesn’t mesh with your desires, it’s best to decline them and continue to meet with other families until you’re satisfied.
2. Religion or Political Views
Religion and/or politics may seem like a superficial justification to decline a match, but they are valid reasons. A parent’s beliefs, whether spiritual or political, impact the values they pass to your child. What you want may come down to your own experiences growing up. Maybe you want your child to have similar values that your childhood instilled in you. Or perhaps your beliefs have changed since then, and you want a family that reflects the newer values you hold. Our adoption agencies won’t judge what kind of family you want. You know what’s best for you and your baby.
3. Number of Adoptive Parents in the Household
One reason that may not come to mind initially is the number of parents in a family wanting to adopt. Our waiting families include typical couples and single parents hoping to adopt. Like the above, your preference depends on your experience with your parents. Maybe a single parent raised you, and you know only one can still do the job well. It’s also understandable to want your child to be with a two-parent household that we see as the most normal. With detail like this, we think it’s best to keep an open mind. Life is unpredictable, a couple you meet may split, or an individual you meet may marry someone later. Despite this, we’ll still work with you to find the kind of family you want. There are great families of either size ready to become parents.
4. Location of the Adoptive Family
While our adoption agencies are in Oklahoma, some families we match with you could live outside of the state. The distance, whether close or far, may be a factor in your decision on an adoptive family. This likely will affect your choice depending on the type of adoption you’ve chosen to do. If you choose an open adoption with the hope of knowing your child someday, you’ll likely want the family close. But if you chose a closed adoption with no desired contact, the family being out-of-state may be beneficial. If the family does live far you may want to learn more about that area. Different regions have different cultures and common beliefs, so you’ll want to see if you want your child raised there.
5. Lifestyle Your Child Might Have After Adoption
Lifestyle is a large umbrella term that involves many details about the potential parents’ lives. It may involve one or both parents’ jobs. Maybe they’re too overwhelming, meaning they have less time for your child. Or it could involve any potential hobbies, maybe they’re dangerous or just something you don’t want to be exposed to your baby. We can list countless other examples that may negatively affect your child. When meeting with a family, have plenty of questions about these details. It’s our job to find responsible potential parents and the match’s job to answer your questions. No detail is too small for your child’s future.
6. The Adoptive Parent Matching Process
Here we’ll give a brief look into the matching process. As you’re putting your child up for adoption, we find different families to pick from. One unique thing we ask is that each family create their profile book. It’s full of pictures of them and their family stories to give you a good look at who they are. If you’re caught between a few different options, we recommend an online or in-person interview. As we’ve said, it gives a more intimate understanding of them and can be the ultimate decider. The next phase of your adoption begins when you’ve found your choice.
Your Adoption Plan With Adoption Choices of Oklahoma
One of our strongest convictions is that you are in control of your adoption plan. Only you know what you want your child’s life to look like, and we will help you make it a reality. There are countless families looking to adopt, so a great match is out there, ready to love your baby. It may take time, but we’ll never stop looking.
To find your match, contact any of our adoption agencies near you. Adoption Choices of Oklahoma is a private adoption agency licensed by the state of Oklahoma and a leader in the adoption community. We have been assisting birth parents, children, and adoptive families in Oklahoma for over 19 years. Our staff members are committed to providing an ethical, empowering, and personalized adoption experience to all involved in the adoption process. If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact us.
Toll-free: 800-898-6028 | OKC Local: 405-755-1999 | Tulsa Local: 918-447-7777 | Text: 405-201-6643 | Email